You have hidden under low motives, you have hidden under the quilt of shy desires.
You have hidden in a safe zone, supported by society, afraid to park your heart in a place that is not prescribed by law, by predefined rules. Then in that safe zone you are not happy, you are looking further, you need proof of your worth, you need excitement, you need validation.
If you don't get it, you don't exist.
When that zone becomes tucked away or unstable you begin to doubt it, look further...A better, safer zone or at least one that will give you immediate confirmation of the virtues that have been lost under the influence of insecurity, and have embraced doubt in own qualities. Then it will be ok there, for a while, until you realize that it doesn't last either. You go further but further is actually deeper. The path turns into the sea, and walking into swimming. You forget to swim and sink into the abyss, hurting others as well as yourself.
Striving for a dose of feeling safe again, you go back to what lasted because somehow it's been there for a long time, it will be harder to break it. Somehow you're just still tormented by that smoldering lack like an ember that can be ignited or extinguished. What to do with it? Do you extinguish it with the truth or continue fueling the fire with lies? The fire is lit again, but it's hard to keep the flame burning when you realize that you are responsible for keeping it burning. When you realize that you have to look in the mirror and tell yourself who you are, without the interference of others. You take yourself by the hand and say what you don't like about yourself, what you fear of. At the moment you run out of words is actually the jiff when you have to find the ones that describe your worth. That's when it's hard to keep the flame going, because then you're facing it alone. But when you feel that heaviness can become lightness, if you are brave enough to face yourself, freedom comes. Freedom separates you from dependence on other people's opinions, approval, validation, conditional love. Then you choose your own peaceful harbor from which you don't want to leave because peace is a much nicer feeling than security.
Peace is synchronized with your soul, and the soul is home..
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