When you choose the person you want to spend your life with, you also participate in choosing your child's partner.
The kind of example you set for your kid in the house is the kind of example it will follow. Some children, have more fortunate circumstances, to resist that model in the very beginning, if it is bad , but most follow the path, which is shown to them as a guideline.
By getting married, you start building something with the fore knowledge that it won't be easy, but in that imperfection you aim to nurture love and introduce that child into the world of love.
Through that relationship, it should learn what it means to love, what respect means, what mutual growth is. You show it what support and the power of love mean in the growth of a common pillar of value.
Try to grow together in that relationship, not hurting each other, but loving each other.
In any relationship, love means teaching the other person how to love themselves more.
Otherwise, it becomes conditioning and addiction.
If after some time the relationship becomes dysfunctional, unstable and the pain overcomes the act of love and nobility, you start to deepen it with emotional wounds and the injuries are getting bigger, be brave enough and get a divorce. Break the relationship and break the energy connection of the incompatible.
A child in the very early period of its growth, in harmless play with pure energy, believing in miracles and everything beautiful that life offers, begins to form his emotional pattern according to what he hears, sees, feels.
If there is disrespect in the marriage, not love but belittling, there is coldness in relationships and bad communication, when the child grows up, it will have a problem regulating its emotions. Children would often choose partners who are emotionally unavailable or tend towards complicated relationships in some way. This can be due to a lack of self-confidence, a lower sense of value towards receiving love, the inability to express emotions in the right way.
It will look for that emotional pattern that was implemented during growing up and will strive for it because it is familiar to the mind and therefore a "safe" zone.
For a child, it is the correct pattern.
In most cases, they will flock to the scraps of love that are currently available because they will not ask for more than that, feeling that they do not deserve it. However, when they don't get them either, the self-evaluation scale decreases more and more.
It will be difficult for that adult child to recognize a healthy relationship without experiencing the pain of an inherited pattern, at least once. Often, the entire relationship or just one parent figure is mirrored.
Some people remain completely emotionally crippled through these relationships, wandering like a hamster in a maze and always hitting the wrong signs, persistently looking for a way out to the source of love, on the wrong side. Trying to earn it, they flock to the cold because they have encountered it, more than once.
Then the questioning of one's own qualities, traits and self-esteem begins. The child is confused. In childhood, it saw one thing, but knowing the world, it realizes that it is something else. It wants something else but does not know how to get to that source of love because it has never seen the source but only more attempts to make an artificial lake.
Always remember that by hurting your partner in an effort to minimize your own pain, you are increasing the pain of the bystander, in this case the child. No child is required to feel the pain of dysfunctional partner relationships or to take on the role of family therapist. A child is a child and should remain in that role following the biological process of its growth and not the process of formation or dissolution of the family in which it was born.
Children are not born to compensate for a lack in partner relationships and to cover up pain, children should be made out of love and should grow in such an environment. They are only obliged to be joyful. If at some point you can no longer maintain that part of joy that you can influence as a parent, don't torture them. End the marriage relationship and set an example for them, that it's okay too.
What leaves consequences is the violation of that relationship to the limits of pain, which further spreads suffering to a larger number of people and creates traumas that are later chained and continue the tradition. Often from that amount of pain people are formed who will create fear of emotional attachment and their own role as parents.
For such a person, any deeper relationship will cause fear, and often the greatest will be to be a parent himself, so as not to cause the same pain to his child.
Of all the rules and lessons for life, one should be the basis, and that is to teach children what love is today, so that they could become better humans tomorrow.
For children without fear and children who are loved. For love.
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