We have so many visions, dreams and desires, ideas, but mainly lack of discipline, courage and perseverance to fulfill them.
As I began to delve deeper into the analysis of my being, awareness expanded as did knowledge. It hurts when you start working and correcting things in yourself, but it hurts more when you see them in an environment that unknowingly continues to spread wrong patterns.
The first prerequisite for stopping the chain of egocentric parenting is to become aware of this process.
When we go back to the list of dreams and they are not fulfilled due to various reasons, children come into the world who are our second chance. Now we will make it up all the missed opportunities, wrong moves, failed attempts and finally we have a chance to build our "Disney" tower.
When making a plan for our children, often before the first spoken word or step, we already have a good documentary in our head, but with a commercial aspect of popularity.
Many will not like this, but egoism is already present by the fact that child is a genetic part of us. Then it continues with the thoughts, who does it looks like, what is whose, from physiognomy to character. When the child starts to grow and shows affinity towards some interests, the parents already have a title with a diploma in their heads. And then, when a larger gathering of family and friends takes place, the words of the specialness of that great future scientist start to appear. However, if growing up the child stumbles from the Hollywood path created for it by his parents and accidentally makes a detour for his unique understanding of the world, it does not find its way there and becomes confused, the parent already gets a dose of disappointment and tries to return it to that well-trodden path. There is a threat that those dreams will not come true. Whose dreams?
Lack of support and suspicion with threats of disciplinary measures make the child feel insufficiently valuable and tries to fulfill the dreams of parents, guides, no longer knowing which dream belongs to it. What is happening in that world of confusion?
The child tries to get back on track, has no success, feels unloved and looks for a way to please its parents. Depending on the child's capacity and internal strength to fight, it can be that:
Stays on that well-trodden path, looking for a way to fulfill his dreams, to be accepted if he succeeds, but to be unfulfilled and unhappy, which can have consequences in further development and relationships.
Stays on the beaten track and if he does not meet expectations, he can suffer a mental breakdown and have emotional consequences that are often reflected in further development and relationships through growing up.
Change the path and fight for the dream, which will learn through cognition and succeed there, but feel lonely and without support, which can further have consequences for further development and relationships.
Change the path and fight for a dream, which will learn through knowledge and experience failure where you will feel guilt or loneliness due to lack of support, which can have consequences on further development and relationships.
The conclusion is that without love and support, children have consequences because they experienced the denial of free joy on their journey of knowledge.
There is a great saying that I always remember when I look at my inner child or children around me:
"Whether you score sixty hits or none, I'll love you just the same." This is what his father told Kobe Bryant when he was eleven years old.
Such love, along with support, is what a child needs in order to feel valuable, loved and good enough. It is a prerequisite for a mentally healthy person.
We cannot look for our sense of worth through the life of a child. We give value to ourselves and do not ask others to provide it to us, especially not children, because they have the right to explore their potential.
Heal the child in you, so that yours could be healthy too.
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